i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
