i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
