A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
