My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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