lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
