Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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