P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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