T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
