you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize