Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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