It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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