When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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