You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
