You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
