When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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