now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
