Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
