I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
