Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
