Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
