Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
