so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize