Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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