about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
FUCK WHALES
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