All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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