We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
