Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
