Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
