im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were trust falling into bushes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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