I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
