I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
