I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
