if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
