I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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