But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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