Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm too high and old for this...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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