we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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