i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
