I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
