dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
