I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i drank out of a bidet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
