don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
