She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
