rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
