yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
