I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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