I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
