return my video game
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
