he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
