My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
