Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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