Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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