Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
