8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
