I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
