You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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