Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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