5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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