Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
