So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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