either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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